Some days the thought of leaving the house terrifies me. I go through about ten billion scenarios in my head of what could happen. What I'd have to do when I go out. Then I think up all of the excuses I can to not do it... and I stay inside.
I panic about bumping into someone in our communal hallway. Getting the wrong bus. That I've forgotten something for the kids. Meeting new people. Going somewhere / doing something new. Gosh, I'm even panicking writing this now thinking you'll all think I'm ridiculous.
It starts with me worrying. Then I start feeling hot and sick. Until I either talk myself out of whatever it is, or I push myself (and then get there / do it and realise I was being SO silly, and there was nothing to worry about).
Having children has definitely given me more confidence though. They give me a reason to go out. I've mentioned that we recently started attending a Diddi Dance class. I REALLY had to push myself to go. But now we do every week I really enjoy it, and it doesn't make me worry anymore.
Last week I really pushed myself and traveled to London by myself (well, Parker was there for support haha), to meet a group of ladies I'd never met before. I could feel the panic setting in from the moment I got up, and I think I cancelled at least 10 times in my head. I did it though, and it felt SO GOOD. I had such a lovely time, and by the time I got home I felt I could do it all over again!
I'm hoping this feeling stays, as I've taken an even bigger step and purchased my ticket to Britmums Live - a blogging event this summer. I'm so, so excited. But I'm equally terrified. I just hope when the time comes I can make it out the door.
I'd love to hear from you if you feel the same.