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Anxiety and Me

Sunday, 3 April 2016


I don't talk about my anxiety much. Actually, I don't think I've really mentioned it on my blog at all. I've always been shy, but didn't think much more of it. I think I've had it all my life though, but it's only been in recent years I've realised what it actually is.

Some days the thought of leaving the house terrifies me. I go through about ten billion scenarios in my head of what could happen. What I'd have to do when I go out. Then I think up all of the excuses I can to not do it... and I stay inside.

I panic about bumping into someone in our communal hallway. Getting the wrong bus. That I've forgotten something for the kids. Meeting new people. Going somewhere / doing something new. Gosh, I'm even panicking writing this now thinking you'll all think I'm ridiculous.

It starts with me worrying. Then I start feeling hot and sick. Until I either talk myself out of whatever it is, or I push myself (and then get there / do it and realise I was being SO silly, and there was nothing to worry about).

Having children has definitely given me more confidence though. They give me a reason to go out. I've mentioned that we recently started attending a Diddi Dance class. I REALLY had to push myself to go. But now we do every week I really enjoy it, and it doesn't make me worry anymore.

Last week I really pushed myself and traveled to London by myself (well, Parker was there for support haha), to meet a group of ladies I'd never met before. I could feel the panic setting in from the moment I got up, and I think I cancelled at least 10 times in my head. I did it though, and it felt SO GOOD. I had such a lovely time, and by the time I got home I felt I could do it all over again!

I'm hoping this feeling stays, as I've taken an even bigger step and purchased my ticket to Britmums Live - a blogging event this summer. I'm so, so excited. But I'm equally terrified. I just hope when the time comes I can make it out the door.

I'd love to hear from you if you feel the same. 

12 comments :

  1. You don't sound ridiculous at all. I can completely relate to this, I'm pretty much the same if I'm honest. I almost have 'safe' places to go, ones I go to again and again without an issue, but it takes a lot for me to go somewhere new. I even made my partner come to the first mum and baby group I went to when I had our son 4 years ago because I couldn't get through the door on my own. Of course once I went I was fine and we went every week after that.

    I remember when I went to a blog conference about 6 years ago, I arranged to meet other bloggers before I went in and that helped get my nerves under control a bit. I'd definitely try and meet up with someone when you go as not only does having someone there for a bit of moral support help but if you have arranged to meet someone it makes it harder to back out as you feel guilty. x

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  2. Emily I've read this post and honestly don't feel like I can give any useful comment that is worth reading!! but wanted to let you know I had read & think it's brilliant that you went to London and hope I is loving her dance classes xx

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  3. Hi Emily. I too have anxiety I understand where your coming from entirely. My anxiety is worse since having my children. And recent events in the world don't help. But we have to try and accept things we can't change and change the things we can to make our lives better. I have also purchased a ticket to Brit mums live. I hope to see you there. X

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  4. Hey Emily. I've just read your blog post. I myself have also suffered from anxiety all my life and more so in recent years. It really helps reading about your experience with anxiety and helps make me to not feel like I am the only one and none of us are on our own. I watch your YouTube channel and I get really excited when you upload because your videos help me to feel happy and positive and I inspire to be a mum like you when I have children. Anxiety is horrible but it's so brilliant reading how you've overcome situations that make you feel anxious and I know myself that it makes you feel so proud and happy inside so let's keep knocking anxiety down and build our confidence up :) xx
    Erika :) x

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  5. Going to London all by yourself, especially to meet new people, is an amazing achievement and you should be proud of yourself. I wonder if there are any techniques you could use to help with the anxiety. I had counselling after I lost my first pregnancy and she gave me some great tools, including thinking past the problem. For example, what would happen if you did bump into someone in the corridor and then what would happen next etc etc. Just taking the fear out of it really until it's gone.

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  6. brave of you to write this and share with everyone and I hope you connect with others who have similar anxiety. Well done on going to London, sometimes doing something outside the comfort zone is scary and is easy to overthink. I do this when I drive to new places but getting better, less google map scrutiny now. Hope your confidence grows and grows :) xx

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  7. It takes real courage to talk publicly about anxiety or depression. I can really relate to your article and hope to spread a little love and light for fellow 'fighters' on my public Facebook page LoulabellaForever ❤️ We should all stick together and fight, until more is known about why these illnesses strike some people and not others xxxx

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  8. I always call my anxiety and my OCD my 'doubting illness'. They make you go 'what if this happens, what if that happens'. Before you know it, you're living you life in your head and forgetting the world around you. You're doing amazing, I really hope you have a great time at the blogging event. Just keep remembering to breathe and climb down out of your head and back into your body for a while! :)

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  9. I absolutely relate to this, I go through all of the scenarios and what ifs about everything too. You are doing amazingly though, going to London alone is such an achievement.
    I did it twice ( once for Britmums!) and cried all the way there, but once I got there I so enjoyed it and was so proud of myself. You should be too!
    I am sure you'll have a blast at Britmums but I would definitely try to make arrangements to meet people as it can be quite intimidating xx

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  10. This sounds like me! I never go out which is really getting to me I have lost friends over it and think I need professional help! So glad I'm not the only one that worries about going out and the littlest things! Well done for speaking about it, your an amazing mummy xxxxx

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  11. Wow - I never would have guessed you struggle with anxiety, you come across as someone do confident and carefree! So it's great that you've shared this as I'm sure you will be helping lots of other people in the same boat, as well as helping you... Sounds like you're doing really well xxxx

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  12. Wow can't believe you suffer from anxiety, you come across as so confident and carefree! Good on you for sharing as it will help other people as well as helping yourself, sounds like you're doing really well xxxx

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