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To the Baby that Never was...

Wednesday, 1 February 2017


Rescuing my phone from Parker for the tenth time, I looked down to see my period tracker app open.

8 days late.

Shit.

I immediately panic. My mind whizzing with a million thoughts. A baby now.. definitely not good timing!

5 minutes pass and all of a sudden the panic starts to drift away. A baby now.. how lovely would that be?

Those precious newborn days. Sibling love growing again. The experience of labour and birth again...

I can't help but get excited!

I told Jack not long after. Surprised to find that he wasn't actually that worried either. We could totally manage this, couldn't we? We carried on our day. Conversations flowing about due dates and how we would work it out.

We made a trip to Sainsbury's together to buy a test. The excitement was really building now!

Rushing home I couldn't wait to do it. Who knew peeing on a little stick could be such fun?

3 minutes to wait

.
.
.

Nothing.

I'm not pregnant.

I should probably feel happy. It wouldn't have been good timing, and we aren't prepared for another just yet.

But I don't.


My period finally showed up today, 10 days late. A final kick in the teeth that I'm not pregnant.

But all I can think about, is the baby that never was.

7 comments :

  1. one day... xx
    And (IMO, so far) going from 2-3 is easy going, however L is at school and I reckon that does make it easier and gives the day structure.

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  2. oh this is horrible. I was like this every month. It's like your body is playing tricks with you. Big hugs lovely. You are not alone xx

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  3. Couldn't read and run just wondered if your period is normal as the same thing happened to me back in September neg test, period late then ended up with a light period and turned out I had an ectopic pregnancy. Would hate for the same to happen to you, so just thought I would mention in case your period seemed off! xx

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  4. Oh bless you. Been there - both when it would have been amazing and when it really wouldn't have. Such strong emotions - and then that negative result - and such strong emotions then too. Thinking of you x

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  5. I totally know this feeling lovely. Even when you know you shouldn't want it, you just can't help it. The timing will be right soon enough though <3 xxx

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  6. Ahh know the feeling lovely. Lots of love, it'll happen when the time is right. Horrible to get your hopes up though xx

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